The Great Sex Rescue –
Challenging Harmful Evangelical
Messages
By Sheila Wray Gregoire, Rebecca Gregoire
Lindenbach, & Joanna Sawatsky
Reviewed by
Geoffrey W. Sutton
Review Summary
The
Great Sex Rescue
is an evangelical Christian approach that challenges messages in several other
Christian sex books, which do not focus on the sexual pleasure of women. In
addition, the three writers challenge messages that emphasize dutiful wives meeting
their husband’s sex needs regardless of how she feels or what aspects of a
sexual experience would bring her more wholistic pleasure. When biblical
texts have been interpreted in unfriendly ways, the authors offer a more woman-friendly
interpretation. More troubling are Christian sexual activity messages that may
encourage men to simply use their wives for their pleasure or even abuse them.
After explaining their concerns, the authors offer suggestions for better sex including
addressing medical problems that can interfere with sexual pleasure.
The Great Sex Rescue Review
Who
needs rescuing from sex or great sex?
I read an
article about The Great Sex Rescue in Christianity Today
that grabbed my attention. I am somewhat acquainted with Christian views on sex
having published A House Divided: Sexuality, Morality, and Christian Culture
a few years ago. I also noticed that they had conducted a large survey, which
as a psychologist peaked my interest. And of course, as a licensed psychologist
I had treated individuals and couples for sex-linked concerns. So, what were
they writing about?
In chapter 1 we see their
foundational concern.
“Many Christians simply aren’t
experiencing amazing,
mind-blowing, earth-shattering,
great sex.
We want to change that.”
Sheila
notes the importance of evidence-based treatments—that’s something of great
importance to psychologists as well. The authors are familiar with Christian
books that offer couples advice about sex. Here’s the rescue part of their
theme:
“We want to rescue couples from teachings that
have wrecked sex and put you back
on the road to great sex—
because that’s what you should be having!”
So what can readers expect to
discover?
Their 7-point proposal introduces us to their
concept of a healthy sex life. I’ll just offer the key words following the lead
phrase “Sex should be…”
personal
pleasurable
pure
prioritized
pressure-free
put the other first
passionate
What
kind of research did they do?
I’ll just
list the four methods.
1. A 130-item survey of 22,000 Christian women
2. A review of academic research studies of evangelicalism and sexuality
3. Focus groups and interviews
4. Reading and review of popular Christian books about sex and marriage
and other influential books
For readers
who tend to avoid research, let me say that the book is well-written and reader
friendly. When they present the results of their survey, they avoid complicated
statistics in favor of percentages of women who responded in many ways to their
survey items. Compact charts reveal the highlights, which I think would be a great
way to for leaders to encourage discussions in small groups.
What is
so bad about sex that Christian women and men need to be rescued?
I like the
way they attacked the problem of troublesome messages. They created a rubric to
score popular sex and marriage books according to a set of criteria—just like research
professors teach their students. Each of the three sections below consists of
four items which the authors used to rate the 14 books on a 0-4 scale.
1. Infidelity and Lust
2. Pleasure and Libido
3. Mutuality
After the authors
scored the books, they divided them into three categories:
Helpful Books
Neutral Books
Harmful Books
The top two
of the Helpful Books were:
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman
The Gift of Sex by Clifford and Joyce Penner.
The lowest
of the seven Harmful Books were:
Every Man’s Battle by Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker
Love & Respect by Emerson Eggerichs
If you are
interested in the details, see the Appendix to The Great Sex Rescue
and see the resources on the book’s website https://baremarriage.com/gsr-rubric/
As you read
through the chapters, you find quotes from their research that illustrate the
problems with harmful messages about sex and marriage. They stress the
importance of considering a woman’s emotional and physical wellbeing during
sex. The best relationships are mutual instead of one-sided as in the common
evangelical message of men as the head of the household in an unequal
relationship with his wife. Also, sex ought to be by consent rather than taken
without considering the wife’s feelings. Consent is not only about having sex
but it includes consenting to the type of sex. One important emphasis is a
warning against messages that encourage, or fail to condemn abuse or even
marital rape.
The authors
report problems with beliefs that sex is a wife’s duty, which interferes with a
couple enjoying great sex. They also make the point that frequency of sex is
not a substitute for quality. Frequency can be a false metric when counselors find
that a couple has more sex after an intervention that focused on encouraging a
wife to give her husband more sex using messages aimed at creating a sense of
duty or teaching that men need relief to avoid looking at porn or having an
affair.
Readers will
also find helpful suggestions for reasons they might not experience an orgasm
during sex. Some problems deal with relationship factors and foreplay but there
are medical conditions as well.
Who
might profit from this book?
My best
guess is that this book will be most meaningful for Christians who generally
identify with an evangelical type of Christianity, lean toward agreement with
the idea that women and men are equal, and feel uncomfortable with the sex
messages from the purity culture movement and related Christian sex and
marriage books daubed harmful by the authors. It is possible that
progressive Christians who have not been subjected to the negative messages of
purity culture may find some parts of the book helpful as well. I also think
the book might be useful as a recommended reading by Christian counselors who wish
to suggest an alternative approach for their evangelical patients.
How do
the authors integrate Christianity and sexuality?
The
integration of Christianity and their views on sexuality does not appear to be
a primary focus of The Great Sex Rescue. What the writers offer evangelical
readers are different views on the oft quoted biblical texts used by some conservative
Christians to favor meeting men’s sexual desires and ignoring a woman’s desire
for a wholistic sexual experience.
The authors
refer to the familiar Genesis and Ephesians texts about creation and marriage
relationships. I’m not a bible scholar yet it seems some of the authors’
interpretations go a bit too far in terms of the meaning of select biblical
texts that have been misused to the detriment of women. For example, when
referring to the biblical translation of know for having sex the authors
use it as a springboard for a tripartite approach to knowing as intimacy to
include spiritual, emotional, and physical dimensions. I also do not find it
useful to think of God as a designer of sex though I do not doubt this notion
would be appealing to some readers.
The authors
present the evangelical view of sex framed in traditional creation language
suggesting a literal view of the creation story as God creating people in his
image, although they do not elucidate the concept of God’s image. They claim God
designed sex to be pleasurable. This approach to the Bible would be familiar to
evangelical readers but is not consistent with scientific approaches to human
evolution in general or to sexual selection in particular unless the writers
intend for their biblical references to be taken as metaphors or other figures
of speech.
In contrast
to the authors’ views, the official position of most Christian groups does not
interpret the Bible in a way that supports the equality of women and men.
Obviously, only a small number of groups allow women to become ordained clergy
or be in authority positions over a man. And many groups refer to the
male-head-of-household texts to assert that men and not women are the head of
the household. Frankly, although progressive writers have argued from various
biblical texts to justify the equality of men and women, such arguments have yet
to alter the prevailing view steeped in centuries of tradition and bolstered by
many texts that limit women’s roles in the church and the home. Unfortunately
for healthy marriages and good sex, the idea of equality of men and women in
the home remains rare among Christians.
Previously
I mentioned the quality of their rubric for rating Christian books about sex
and marriage. I think it worth mentioning that none of the 12 items in the
tripartite rubric mentioned anything about God, biblical texts, or Christianity.
And the best sex book at the top of the list was a secular work by John Gottman
who really has done excellent work when it comes to evidence-based approaches
to relationship health.
How do
the authors present an evidence-based approach?
As a
psychologist, an evidence-based approach may mean something a bit different
from the authors’ views. In general, evidence-based psychotherapies are those
that have been tested and found to be reliably effective for a specific purpose
when compared to control or comparison groups. I do not see experimental studies
that document the validity of their recommendations for great sex.
However, in
a broad sense, the authors could mean that they have relied on evidence from
their survey to reach various conclusions and they have identified strategies
from the literature, which they include in their chapters. They also challenge
the recommendations of several books as either lacking evidence, causing harm,
or both.
Having
supervised clinicians, it is certainly not unheard of to find clinicians
relying on experience when suggesting ways to help patients cope more
effectively. The best clinicians will collect data from their patients to
determine the efficacy of their suggestions. In this context, the copyright
page offers a disclaimer as follows:
“This
publication is intended to provide helpful and informative material on the
subjects addressed. It is not intended to replace the advice of trained health
care professionals.”
Comments
Respectfully
worded readers’ comments that correct errors in this review, offer suggestions,
or another point of view may be published. Hostile comments and advertising or
links to personal and business websites are not published.
Cite
this review
Sutton, G.
W. (2022, September 23). The great sex rescue—a review. SuttonReviews.
Retrieved from https://suttonreviews.suttong.com/2022/09/the-great-sex-rescue-challenging.html
Reference
Gregoire,
S. W., Lindenbach, R. G., & Sawatsky, J. (2021). The great sex rescue:
The lies you’ve been taught and how to — recover what God intended—. Grand
Rapids, MI: Baker Books. On AMAZON
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and Religion
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